Megan Shaffer: Welcoming the Fourth Baby

Megan Shaffer began to suspect she might be pregnant after noticing how tired she had become. With three children under the age of five, it was possible she had just been running around more than normal, but something felt different.

“I texted my neighbor and asked her if she had any pregnancy tests because I just needed to clear my mind that I was not pregnant,” she said.

When it was positive, she called her husband and said, “Don’t freak out. I think we might be pregnant.”

The news came as a big shock to Megan and her husband. Previously, she had only been able to get pregnant with the help of Clomid. It took some time to get past the surprise and begin wrapping their minds around having four kids.

“It was a completely different experience from the others, which we had planned,” she said. “But at this point, we can’t imagine our life without Mosley. She’s fit into our family so, so perfectly and has just been the best little addition. It’s a blessing.”

Finding Prenatal Care

Megan and her husband Daniel moved to Oxford two years ago. Still being new to the area, she began her prenatal care with Dr. Samuel Cole after a recommendation from her neighbor, who was pregnant at the same time as her.

“It was really nice to be able to walk through this pregnancy with her seeing the same doctor and feeling like someone is doing this with you, and they’ve had a great experience with Dr. Cole,” Megan said. “It was really nice to be able to share that with someone.”

With her other pregnancies, Megan was high-risk and felt like she was constantly on high alert, but this time, everything went smoothly.

“I used to think, ‘Man, I wonder what it would be like to just have a typical pregnancy,’ and then I had it. It was a blessing to not have to worry as much.”

During appointments when Dr. Cole would ask her how she felt, she’d say, “Great, I don’t even feel pregnant.”

Peace in Preparation

On the day of the delivery, Megan’s parents came over to take care of the older kids for a few days, and Megan and her husband went to Baptist Memorial Hospital.

“It was early in the morning on Easter weekend,” she remembered, “and it was very, very calm. I didn’t feel rushed at all. It felt like it’s supposed to feel, I guess.”

After having a C-section with her first baby and her twins, Megan knew she’d have another. With her first delivery, the procedure had been hard to accept.

“A lot of people say a C-section isn’t real birth, and I think that was hard for me in the back of my mind knowing that people might say, ‘Oh, you didn’t really give birth.’ But good gracious, they cut you open! It’s a major, major surgery.”

With four kids at home, Megan has learned a few takeaways for moms-to-be.

She believes in making decisions informed by your medical team and yourself. “Just do what is right for you and your family. This is you advocating for your baby. No one else’s opinions matter,” she said.

Because the first time giving birth can be scary—no matter what the delivery looks like—Megan recommends that expectant parents ask questions about what the process will be like.

When she gave birth to her first child, Megan hadn’t known that her husband wouldn’t be allowed to be with her the whole time. When she was brought back to answer medical questions, be examined, and have the spinal block done, she was alone. 

“If I had known that was the protocol before, I think I would have been more comfortable,” she said.

This time, she knew to ask Dr. Cole a lot of questions: What’s the C-section process like here? Will I be able to hold my baby? How long will we be apart?

“That’s my biggest piece of advice, I think. Ask your doctor or a friend who’s done it before what to expect. You’re not bothering them, and it’ll bring you peace. I think it helps your blood pressure,” she added, laughing. “There’s nothing worse than laying there thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, was that supposed to happen? What’s next?’”

The Breastfeeding Journey

In the operating room, when Megan heard her baby Mosley’s cry for the first time, she teared up. “I always do when I hear their first cry,” she said. “It’s an emotional release of a little bit of anxiety that goes into being on the operating table. You can’t really move, but you can see stuff and hear things. It’s a crazy feeling when the medical team gets the baby out, too. It’s like you can breathe again.”

“Having a baby is beautiful. It’s a beautiful experience,” Megan said. “It doesn’t matter how you do it or how the baby gets here. It’s just really, really neat.”

After Megan delivered Mosley, one of the nurses who also served as the breastfeeding consultant visited Megan to help her with latching. Megan had breastfed her firstborn, Everly Kate for nearly a year, but with the twins, breastfeeding was overwhelming. 

“That nurse who helped me was one of the biggest blessings,” Megan shared. “She made me feel so much more comfortable with my baby. I learned more from her on what to do than I had with my other babies, and it felt natural.”

Megan recommends that mothers ask for breastfeeding help while they’re at the hospital. “Once you go home, it’s just harder. To have that knowledge from someone who does this all the time, it’s huge.”

Watching her husband hold Mosley for the first time was meaningful, too. “Seeing him as a dad and be equally as invested as I am, seeing him hold her and help introduce her to the other kids, and he’s just as proud as you are, it’s really special.”

The Family Transition

Coming home from the hospital, Megan and her husband didn’t know what to expect. They wanted their three kids to feel special, even with the new baby, and didn’t want the new change to rock the boat.

Instead, it was like everything had come into place. “It felt like that was how it was always supposed to be,” Megan said.

Megan teared up watching her eldest Everly Kate meet her new sister. She was wearing a shirt that said “Big Sister” and wore a hat her preschool had given her. When she walked into the room, she was grinning wide.

“It was such a happy, sweet, precious little moment,” Megan shared. “She fully knew that this was her little sister, and she couldn’t wait to hold her.

“It’s crazy,” she added, laughing. “There’s this little person that you’ve only known for a couple of hours, but you’ve also known her for her whole life, and then you watch your kids meet her and have an instant bond. It’s really special.”

Postpartum Self-Care

Megan’s postpartum experience has always been tough. With a history of depression and anxiety, she knew talking with Dr. Cole early on about what to do would help her stay on track. They spoke about signs of postpartum depression to look for and what was normal after a delivery. They also walked through plans for Megan if she was feeling overwhelmed or emotional. 

“Your emotions are all over the place after you give birth. You’re trying to feed the baby and get everybody dressed for school. There’s a mental load with figuring out how we’re going to do all of this, but you also have to prioritize yourself and your healing.”

Having a plan has really helped Megan with the postpartum journey. “Postpartum is hard,” she said. “There’s guilt, and there’s a lot to balance. Dividing and conquering with my husband between our kids has been huge.”

Community, for Megan, has helped a lot, too. “It’s so helpful just to have someone to talk to you. I’ve also had to learn to accept when friends offer to help. If they’re offering, it’s because they want to do it. You’re not supposed to have it all together.”

“Before I was a mom,” she said, “I had a lot of concerns about wanting to do parenting the right way. People will ask you, ‘Are you going to do this? Are you going to do that?’ You feel like you have to have this perfect answer, and I really had to learn just to go with the flow. If I mess up, tomorrow’s a new day. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself.”

Becoming a mom for Megan has meant learning to be present in the moment and taking the time to hold onto the small joyful moments. “There are so many sweet moments when you’re a parent: watching them wake up in the morning with a big smile on their face, reading books together, them wanting to sit in your lap and talk. It’s an unconditional love I’ve never seen, and it’s just the greatest blessing.”

Adding Mosley to the family has brought them all even closer. “We were hopeful that it wasn’t going to be too much or something we weren’t going to be able to handle alone,” Megan said. “Instead, it’s like everybody needed her to be here. She completed our family.”